Vatican Crime Rate Soars

Hello reader. I'm here in Northamptonshire's bubbling hills in my mum's empty house, with two little dogs and a computer for company. So I've been noodling around the internet. Partly, I have been prompted by a reading of John Allen's popular constitutional text on the government of the Vatican. It kept me up last night anyway--defining the difference between dicasteries and departments, the pope, the holy see, the vatican and the curia. Ah well.

Anyway, it turns out that the Vatican has its own courts and that they can sentence people, albeit to Italian prisons. This is not surprising. Proportionately, crime is highest per head in the Vatican across almost all regions of Europe. It seems to be mostly pickpocketing and theft from the museums that concern the Cardinals, despite the best efforts of the two security services and the various papal Knights. It's like the Bronx in there. Without such a widespread use of guns or as many black people, obviously.

As part of the Schengen agreement and the 1929 Lateran accords, the Church's leading crimebuster, Nicolo Picardi, has to publish figures on his bailiwick every year. I've gone to the somewhat independent Der Spiegel website to verify the figures I've read, since you might not believe me otherwise. I've put the English language version in the link.

I admire and love the present Pope, in so far as I know anything about him. Perhaps he shouldn't be too keen to have Tony Blair over to explain how to tackle crime, though, or the place will be full of Anti-Social Behaviour Orders, on-the-spot fines and crazy ID cards based on a loony superstitious belief in information technology. Not the sort of thing you want in the depository of Catholic faith, which might sometimes be at odds with science but doesn't just embrace craziness like that.

What would a clerical crime-fighter be like I wonder? Would he slide down a pole in cardinal's robes and come out dressed in a lounge suit, like an anti-Batman?


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