Her Brittanic Majesty's Principal Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs

Over the course of previous posts, readers of this blog may have developed the impression that I have taken some sort of petty umbrage with the Foreign Secretary. Posts such as 'Milliband; which glove puppet are you?', the repetition of the great Robert Marshall-Andrews QC MP's description of the Secretary as 'a pillock on a gap year', and jib-jab videos in which the Foreign Secretary's head was placed on the body of a woman terrorist in a floral dress before being removed by supersonic metal, may have given rise to the idea that I have some sort of demented contempt for Mr Milliband.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have, I might point out, been faithfully following Mr Milliband's pronouncements. His recent phillipic in Baghdad, for instance, that what Iraq needed was a 'Dad's Army' of part time anti-Jihadis, in my mind rests alongside the invocations of Cato the Elder during the Punic Wars; Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam, or Delenda Est Formidilosus, to use the more common iteration. He is obviously in every way qualified for the role which the Prime Minister has marked out for him.

Now, Mr Milliband has surpassed himself. In a stirring call to arms, he has noted that the problem for the Labour Party at the next election is that its members are not demonstrating sufficient enthusiasm for the mix of 'experience and change' with which he has associated the Labour Party. His sources for this point presumably arose when the Children's BBC channel in his hotel was inadvertently switched to some CNN-type commercial for the Clinton campaign.

Just to illustrate the ways in which this government is determined to deal with the problems of Iraq, climate change, the near-criminal rates of marginal taxation for individuals and small businesses, the Afghan War, Islamist terrorism, crime, social breakdown, education, and the coming economic crisis, I have placed an instructional video of the Cabinet and the Prime-Minister's principal songleading stand-in below. Mr Milliband is of course recognisable.


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