A Letter to My European 'Representative'

I have posted the following friendly missive on Mrs Mary Honeyball's Website. Mary spends her days wandering between Brussels and Strasbourg, thinking about Tony Blair and feminism, and has recently lost an assistant on account of feeding him to wolves or something. After nominating Terry Wogan for President of the European Council (despite Downing Street's somewhat petulant electronic rebuffs) I think that sending Mrs Honeyball and Al Gore to Mars and back is a winner. Write in to her blog if you agree, viewers.

Hi Mary,
Over the festive season, I thought that I would give you the chance to win some votes personally for a change, what with you being continually appointed from party lists to things. So I put you in a poll on my blog, based on a recent pan-European venture suggested by the Russian Space Agency in which they wanted to send a monkey to Mars. Thinking that overly cruel, I suggested a list of names instead.
Well, you did well–you tied with Al Gore (who must be used to tying in rigged polls) and beat me, LloydsTSB and President Ahmedinajad, all of whom got no votes. Messrs Blair and Bush got a few each. My one demented reader must have been kept very busy continually voting.
So–well done. The Russians had originally planned to bring the monkey back, and I’m sure that will also apply to you and Al (unless Lenny Willmot or whatever her name is catches wind of any more leadership bids). If you could say when you intend to go, I can get down ladbrokes with the bets to make it financially viable, if you see what I mean, and charge up my mobile phone for the pre-launch publicity photos. You could stick the whole thing on expenses and we'll call it a fact-finding mission so its 'legit'. There must be some sort of cosmic ray rate.
This was much easier, I have to write, than petitioning Downing Street to make Terry Wogan President of the European Council, and, frankly, more satisfying. I recommend it.
All the best for the new year–onward and upward!

Comments

Popular Posts