Martin Meenagh blog

An Application for the Post of Boss of Potery at Oxford

(The following instruction sheet has reached me from an old friend. I of course do not endorse any of the views contained therein.)

Ahemem, (lots of throat clearing)

As being that I notice that the post of Porety Professor as been mayde vaycant, becorse someone as drawn it to may attenshun. I am usually above that sort of thing, unlike my opponents who are (insert vice of choice here) which is a danger to (insert group or category) who are to be found in (insert innocent obscure college round the back of argos stores). Twist. Ay would like to put mayself forward on account of all those voices Ay ear arsking me.

Since I am declaiming from a secret mountain hideout in Manhattan (on a good day you can see Toronto), all I can do is (push buttons about Iraq, former colonial races, Israel, Jews in general, charities, the United Nations, Catholics, God, men, marriage or some defining value free construct that allows a matrix of deviance accompanied by chin stroking distinction in the delivery of mediocre relativist consensus here).

Consequently and reluctantly I submit myself to the democracy unlike (my famous relative/slave/oppressed/aristocratic ancestor) and those grasping government types. If you want ovaries, Ay'll get some. Ay am, (false estuarine accent and limited vocabulary, assume dreadlocks like your 'mentally challenged' child here) a green liberal poof.

Pretend you don't know the details of the election and nip off for an absinthe stage right. Put this tape on, and relax with a nice bit of Rudyard Kipling and a cigar hidden in a Heidegger book.

Macdonaldus Senex fundum habet.
E-I-E-I-O.
Et in hoc fundo , nonnullas boves domesticas habet.
E-I-E-I-O.
Cum moo moo hic,
Cum moo moo ibi.
Hic una moo,
ibi una moo,
ubique una moo moo
Macdonaldus Senex fundum habet
E-I-E-I-O
Non Posso audere. Musa Sapientum in oreillum.

Here are some pictures of the common people of the west country at their play. The play is The Wicker Man.

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