Sarko's Plan for the European Commission

Nicolas Sarkozy is reported by Die Welt, via EU Observer, to have associated himself with a scheme to cut European Commissioners. By the way, the above Die Welt link is in German, which for some reason they insist in writing in over there. That isn't the strangest language thing I heard today though. Over lunch with a friend, I was told that Henry VIII annotated a copy of Drzic's 'dundo maroja' in Croat and Latin. Presumably he was familiar with the tongue because of the importance of the Venetian Republic back then, but you live and learn. I find it hard to believe.

Anyway, the Commission, which is the executive arm of the EU, and which proposes, executes, and enforces European directives, regulations and decisions across the Union, is currently composed of one commissioner from every country plus a President. It acts as a college, though individual commissioners have particular portfolios. With 27 EU members, it is unwieldy, and, like other serious European institutions and even the Parliament, is finding business hard to do.

Since the Commission sometimes fancies itself as a sort of federal government for the EU, this lack of flexibility and efficiency is embarrassing to it.

One of the big issues behind the recent rejection of the Lisbon reform treaty by Ireland was a proposal within the treaty to cut the permanent presence of commissioners from specific countries, and to rotate seats in a new unbalanced commission.

This should not have been a contentious issue in theory, because all commissioners once appointed swear an oath to Europe and abjure national interests; but everybody knows that some more than others make sure that their own nations get looked after. This is inevitable and a fact of life.

M.Sarkozy's plan seems to be group commission seats 'culturally'. This means that the Atlantic Archipelago, which the French insist on calling 'Anglo-Saxon' will share a commissioner. So could Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg; so could Germany and Austria; so, presumably could Portugal and Spain.

Some overheated business commentators already refer to 'Anglo-Saxon', 'Nordic', 'continental' and Mediterranean' economic zones. Presumably, part of this effort stems from a combination of envy of America and a liberal misconception of the USA as an enlightenment republic balanced against a series of defined regional identities of which 'Southern' is the most prominent. The flaw in this comparison is that most people who are not part of the European elite would resist such regionalisation as strongly as they'd head off to the real United States permanently given half a chance.

Let's not dismiss this stupid idea out of hand altogether. It makes for summer fantasies of a mischievous sort. Why not reverse the destruction of 1918, for instance, and have an 'Austro-Hungarian' seat ("Indivisibiliter ac Inseparabiliter")?

Or let the Germans represent the Frankish lands and Poland too? And German Belgium. And North Italy. And the Ukraine. And Tunbridge Wells, Christ Church College Oxford, and the Inner Temple.

Or just have one Iberian commissioner, who could also represent Wallonia?

We could have a Yugloslav commissioner as an apology for Hans-Dietrich Genscher's destruction of that country, and Turkey could finally come in only if it readopted Greek and agreed to be ruled from Byzantium.

Then we'd all be happy in our shared cultural sodalities. It'd be as though John Calhoun and his plan for concurrent majorities had never gone off to burn in Hades.

Frankly, the one admirable state apart from Ireland (and Ireland is most admirable as a country, not as a state) in the EU at the moment, as far as I can tell is Germany. They're the only two I would be happy to see in a relationship, and that's as likely as the Pope going out with Elton John.

Is this really the best Sarko can do in August? I know that he must be occupied with his gorgeous wife and all, but really--letting in Canada or deciding to take the European Parliament seriously would make more sense. And doing either would be insane.

How about outsourcing control to the Holy See, which runs a global church, and one of the world's biggest and most efficient welfare operations across the planet for much less money? I wouldn't want the Vatican's crime rate though. I would also point out that the Vatican budget deficit is one of the lowest in Europe.

Go on Sarko. Return to your tiny desk, have another sip of rose juice and come up with something better.

The picture at the top of this blog of course shows a meeting of the London Labour group of European MEPs with the Commission.